This is a famous email missive from 2001 (gasp!) that I still like to re-visit from time to time. I don’t know why, but it makes me laugh everytime I read it. It’s becoming harder and harder to find online, so I lifted a copy from Matt Honan to help preserve it on the web. (Hope that was okay Matt.)

The email exchange was famously featured on fuckedcompany.com, R.I.P.

mysimonThe players are Frank Dimauro, the opinionated website user and Tim Miller, CEO of blur.com. Frank begins expressing his opinion of the My Simon character appearance.

—–Original Message—–

From: Dimauro, Frank
[mailto:FDimauro@unch.unc.edu]
Sent: Wednesday, May 02, 2001 6:02 AM
To: ‘webman@blur.com’
Subject: mysimon

Some feedback re: my simon character created by your studios. I find him annoying, obtrusive and the last person on earthI would invite to a party. I would hate my host forever if someone like that ever showed up at a party I was attending. What were you guys thinking?

Frank DiMauro
Chapel Hill NC

—–Original Message—–
From: Tim Miller [mailto:tim@blur.com]
Sent: Wednesday, May 02, 2001 12:30 PM
To: Dimauro, Frank
Subject: RE: mysimon

Thanks for your email Frank, a few points I’d like to make:

1. Fuck You.

2. Don’t you have anything better to do with your life instead of writing emails like this? Did you just get completely bored with masturbation?

3. He was designed by an ad agency- not us, which you would have guessed if you knew fuck-all about this business. Is that the clue phone ringing? I think it must be for you…..

4. We do appreciate your assessment of how annoying the My Simon character is, since it appears that you’re an expert in that area.

5. I’ll bet your dick is very small.

Tim Miller
Blur

—–Original Message—–
From: Dimauro, Frank
[mailto:FDimauro@unch.unc.edu]
Sent: Wednesday, May 02, 2001 7:07 PM
To: ‘Tim Miller’
Subject: RE: mysimon

yeah well up yours to you too pal…your response was totally uncalled for and way out of line. If you are representative of your ilk at Blur, then I will inform everyone I know to stay away. Maturity was not one of the conditions of employment when they hired you, obviously.

Jerk. sincerely
Frank DiMauro

—–Original Message—–
From: Tim Miller [mailto:tim@blur.com]
Sent: Wednesday, May 02, 2001 10:22 PM
To: Dimauro, Frank
Subject: RE: mysimon

I don’t think it was uncalled for– you’re a dick. I’m not representative, I DEFINE it bitch. I’m the president, co-founder and creative director for the company and we didn’t get where we are by taking lip of off snotty little web surfing fucks like you.

I think that your dick is even smaller than I first suspected.

Tim
blur

—–Original Message—–
From: Dimauro, Frank [mailto:FDimauro@unch.unc.edu]
Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2001 6:34 AM
To: ‘Tim Miller’
Subject: offensive

My first email was not aimed at YOU personally but at a cartoon character your firm helped animate. However you chose to take it as a personal offense and I could not understand why.

Could it be that the SIMON character was based on…YOU? Is that why you are so offended? If so I apologize. How could I have known?

I commend you on your accomplishments as “creative director” but I suggest you use some of that ridiculous salary you are paying yourself to expand your vocabulary and polish up your skills in diplomacy and public relations. Oh, and I also notice you have some pathological obsession with the size of other people’s sexual organs. You need counseling pal. Fast.

This is how you should respond to future comments sent unintentionally to your firm: ” Thank you for your email. The character to which you refer was not created by Blur but by the Advertising Agency of Dewey, Cheetum & Howe. Please direct all comments to their web site.” And that would have ended it.

Instead, you chose an inflammatory, kill-em-all and to hell with the consequences approach which your firm will have to live with.

Frank DiMauro

From: Tim Miller [mailto:tim@blur.com]
Sent: Thursday, May 03, 2001 9:59 AM
To: Dimauro, Frank
Subject: RE: offensive

“What were you guys thinking?”

That’s why you got both barrels. Perhaps you should think about what your saying? If you don’t know what the fuck your talking about–keep your criticisms to yourself.

Nice try with the “…based on you” and “…obsession with the size of…” you need to polish up your come-back skills though if you want to play with the big boys.

Owning the company doesn’t mean a big salary–I’m obscurely proud that most of the animators here make more money than me. The nature of an entreprenurial business is something–again–that you seem to know fuck-all about.

I’ve been the same way for 36 years now and it seems to be serving me (and blur) well. The fact that I don’t eat a toad for breakfast everytime some small-dicked critic chooses to bless us with his “critique” is a plus in my book.

This has been really fun Frank and I and myself and the animators have had a really good laugh so far but we’ve got some work to do, so I’m going to have to sign off now–for good. I suggest you send your next email to www.enlarge_my_penis_please.com. tim
blur

(I really have enjoyed it! Thanks for being a sport!)
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